Is Madness the Price I Pay 

It’s a conversation that comes up periodically: would you give up your creativity for a “normal” brain. Ignoring the  whole what is normal debate, the question still seems valid. Is my poetry, my language, my voice, my gift from my faulty brain chemistry?

If we ever find the right med combination, what am I going to do if I lose the spark that’s my creative center?

With the depression holding strong, and the suicidal ideation a constant companion I find myself ruminating about it. Better than ruminating about death, I suppose.

But I don’t know the answer. I know when I’m hypomanic my writing flows but is disjointed. When depressed it glows but is dark. Both represent me. Am I either one or some broken remnants of a once whole self?

The sun shines
Dispersing The Black Fog
Tendrils wrap around my mind
Lurking
Waiting
For The Clouds
To return

To weave a blanket
Of sadness and despair
Around my heart and soul

The sun burns fierce
Setting fire to the blanket
As the Tendrils retreat
Deep within my mind
Waiting for the next cloudy day

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6 thoughts on “Is Madness the Price I Pay 

  1. “If we ever find the right med combination, what am I going to do if I lose the spark that’s my creative center?”
    This is my struggle too. Took a medication that made me feel great and stupid all the time. Creativity was gone. Had to chose between mood and intelligence/creativity. Difficult to find balance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I found my meds actually gave me more creative stability because I was more focused – would never have done all the writing and performing I have without them. It didn’t stop the flow x

    Liked by 1 person

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