On June 1, 2022, I was truly born. Starting the journey of changing this outer, mortal coil to more closely match my eternal being. July 31, 1973, may be the date that this form entered into the world, and severed it’s parasitic connection with its host. On this day, nearing the end of my 48th year, I entered my real life. A lifetime of awkwardness, of feelings of wrongness. This day marks the beginning of the end of not feeling like me. June 1st is the day I consider my birthday. My true beings/selfs birthday.
As I think about the journey to this point, I can’t help but wonder that I survived at all, let alone healing enough to come to this point; setting free my true self. From all the nights in The Pit, wanting to die, to the journey of acceptance of why my skin didn’t fit me. Learning to embrace Byron, while honouring my life as Becky. At this point, there is too much history to erase Becky from my past. So I honour her journey that brought me here to my authentic self. Recognizing her strength, and using that strength, determination, and spark to lay Byron’s foundation of truth and healing.
I have been truly fortunate that the universe has gifted me with a tribe of people that entered my life when I was most able to receive what they offered: love and acceptance. And in that experience of unconditional support, I discovered the truth that was there all along; the culmination of a lifetime of yearning for something elusive, intangible, yet so powerful it shaped my core. It may seem as though it’s only been five months. It’s been a lifetime of moving towards this point. Five months ago, things became crystal clear, and a fire to be my authentic self could not be extinguished. Not that I wanted to. It felt like a fight for survival that needed to be waged now. There is a calmness, a surety. No fears of what lies ahead (except losing my hair. That scares me lol). Only an assuredness that whatever comes next will be met with my true self.
Sitting in the office, listening to Steven listen to the mechanics of what I was about to do, I had never felt more sure. I’m not even sure that is the correct term. It seemed so matter of fact. This is what Byron needs to manifest. So in the moment. And watching the needle enter my thigh, it felt like the first step on the journey to awakening. The first day of the rest of my most true, authentic self.